M1

After things with Mr. Almost came to a close, my account was up for renewal. Go figure. After further consultation with my toadorprince.com advisors, I realized that I would likely enjoy renewing my account – but take a more selective approach in my next three-month membership term.

My next encounter I have nicknamed: M1.

He was much closer in age and had a youthful sense about him. He was a self-proclaimed sports geek and new to town. I was a lil weary; I like sports but I don’t know that I want my world ruled by when “the game” is on. But of course, I had to be “open-minded” even though I was being selective.

M1 was tall, dark, and handsome. I was so excited when we met for drinks on a Friday night. We ended up talking for 5 hours and closing the restaurant! I know - Yowza! During our long meet ‘n greet –he asked about my previous toadorprince.com experiences. Of course, I happened to reference Mr. Almost. Thus, I pretty much handed M1 his perfect approach to the close of our evening. When we said goodbye and started walking our separate directions – he came running back to plant a nice innocent kiss on me, stepped back and said “now I’ll leave you with that to judge if we have chemistry or not.” Helloooooooo honeyyyyyy. Alright! His creative approach and the ‘walk away and come running back’ move was welcomed. Rather than be alarmed that this was a foreshadow of just trying to get into my lily pad – I considered it much more sweet/innocent/creative. Not to mention, fantastic for me to see I was not in fact permanently screwed up and was capable of having chemistry with someone!

He set up tentative plans for a second date on Monday night. No time or place, but that we should get together that night. He prefaced that work is hectic and he might not know for certain if he can make it – but it sounded like a plan. I was all sorts of excited. Then Sunday came….. and went…. And Monday came… with no word from him. No confirmation about our date that evening. No, I didn’t pull out the rule book and decide to make other plans and mention that I had some if he happened to reach out later on. What did I do? I texted!

He wrote back immediately that he was still trying to assess if he could make it happen. WTF – its 2pm the day of and you’re not sure? Ok Ok, I get it, I have a demanding job – so I’m going to give him a pass on that one. I was leaving town two days later for a week – so when he finally texted later in the day to said he would have to reschedule – he suggested after I returned. Sigh. The momentum we had been building was in my mind likely going to fade. Nevertheless I agreed to postpone but left it that he was to follow up with me to make a plan. I wasn’t hopeful that he would. In all my previous toad experiences – there is either lots of momentum in the beginning or no one is really interested.

When I returned to town, I was impressed that he made our date happen! Though he texted only the day of to make a plan. And he didn’t have a plan either – his default was to get together and watch the NBA semifinals game. Really? “The game” oh man. Ok I went along - hey, date 2, I had to.

We had a great time though. After the game, we sat in a quieter place to talk for a long time. About our family, friends back home, college, etc. I also mentioned my pending surgery to remove basal cell skin cancer from my head that I was freaked about. It was on my mind and stressing me out and it just came up. After all it wasn’t some major thing so not too crazy to mention on a 2nd date. Right?

He proceeds to tell me that he himself has had cancer! And now I feel like an ass!! Then continues that cancer isn’t a big deal and he had had testicular cancer. Jigga what?! Holy balls! I didn’t even know what to say. He was so nonchalant about it. Sorta like, pass the ketchup - I had cancer. And you guessed it...as a result of the cancer he only had one ball now. Hence: M1. Hey, its not as crude as the name “Uniball”!!! OMG are we talking about balls on our second date?! Is this normal?! He explained he was fully cured and at the time was pretty excited about it as he got to miss two months of college. Um hello! Can you have kids?! I asked. Yes, really, I asked. I mean I want ‘lil tadpoles someday and he brought it up! He said yes he was told he should be able to still have children. Phew.

But in all seriousness, it was a very personal thing to talk about and I was touched that he wanted to share with me. I think it is great that he felt comfortable enough with me to talk about it. And no, I didn't say half of those things above in italics - that was just the internal personal convo I was having - not to worry.

I enjoyed learning about him that night. I also enjoyed our lingering goodnight kiss at my car. Nice work M1; you've got moves! Apparently, I am capable of having chemistry with someone after my experience with Mr. Almost - nice!

He knew I was expecting him to make the next move and demonstrate some “follow up” abilities. I was weary given his lack of follow up after previous dates. But the next day, he did just that by reaching out to wish me a nice day. But he didn’t get assertive in setting up a next date. This was starting to get on my nerves. If this guy likes me he’s setting up the next date, I don’t care if its for the next day or week… but he’s after me. Right? “The Chase” isn’t just for the guy – it is for the girl too. The guy may like to do the chasing, but the girl also wants to be chased! I’m just saying…

Our third date was again after work and I met him at his apartment to then walk to dinner. Did I happen to mention he had two cats?! Well yes, he does. In fact some friends told me they were suspect about him because of his feline friends. Ok so maybe it wasn’t usual to see a 20-something guy with two cats, but hey, we all have our “thing”, right? Maybe this was his.

I got to experience the madness of a single bachelor living in an apartment run by his cats. I mean I like animals, but I also love cleanliness and homes that smell nice. His place was none of the above. Dirty dishes strewn about, empty walls, and gameboy controllers all over the couch.

He blamed his work schedule for not ever having time to keep a clean house. He also blamed his work schedule for not being able to know when he could do anything. So my next logical question: why did you join toadorprince.com? If work runs your life, and you don’t have time to take care of yourself, how do you expect to have time to date someone? Well, he said, sometimes he gets lonely on the weekend and wants to do something with someone. Hhmm. That’s it? Just someone to ‘hang’ with? Not sure I like the sound of this…

I was starting to realize that I needed someone more advanced in their career. I didn’t want to date someone that would never make plans because he didn’t want to ever have to break them. Someone that was more settled with their daily life and could make room to share it with someone with a bit of stability. Someone that wanted to build a relationship and not just ‘hang’ once a week to watch the game. That is the normal everyday stuff I do enjoy in a more established relationship, but it sounded like this was all M1 wanted. Period.

Over the course of the next week or so, I became less enthused. He continued his pattern of not reaching out much in between dates and left me feeling not too pursued. Of course, just as I was losing interest and tired of having to follow-up and confirm dates, he started calling and texting more. Classic.

At this point I had been at a friend’s bbq during the weekend and had met two other guys I seemed to be quite interested in. I was so excited to meet guys “organically”. My excitement for the organic encounters made me realize even more how my interest in M1 was waning.

At this point, I figured he had one last shot. If he would man up and call to ask me out, I would go. Of course in the final hour he did. I accepted his offer at a fourth date and we went to a live sporting event – shocking. I was having fun – but most of the time I was daydreaming about the organic boys from the bbq. If you’re out on a date with one person, and thinking about another, probably not a good sign.

I let things fizzle out naturally after that. It wasn’t hard to do seeing as he wasn’t really pursuing me any harder than he was before. He was completely content with a one-date-a-week relationship to keep him company for ‘the game.’ He was still handsome and nice and we had chemistry. But I wanted more. I delayed responding to one of his messages and I think he caught the drift. And I? I put myself back out there to see who would chase me and make a valiant effort to catch me. Would he be one of my organic encounters? Or another online applicant? Stay tuned…

Next!

Lessons Learned:

1- Be willing to see who the person really is and then ask yourself if that is what you’re really looking for, versus try to fit the mold of what they are after -- even if they are cute! 2 - Chemistry is important, but it doesn’t make up for everything else.