Putting the Trust in Hopeful

Lately I have been frustrated and tired of ‘the process.’ Finding toad after toad. I find myself saying: “I’m over it.”

I’ve also received many comments and questions about my toad tales. Many of which have provoked further personal reflection:
- You’re too hard on these guys.
- You’re not being hard enough - he shouldn’t have made it to a second date.
- Things will happen when you’re not looking!
- Stay open!
- Why did you waste your time going out with him?
- Give him another chance.
- You’re striving for perfection – it doesn’t exist.
- Call him and tell him how you honestly feel.
- Don’t call him – let him come to you!
- Why are you trying so hard?!

And my head is spinning…

I can find a bit of truth in all of those comments. Maybe if I tried to do this or do that – I could make it work. Maybe I shouldn’t be this way or that way. Maybe I should have given that guy another chance. Maybe if I didn’t say this or that, he’d still be around.

But, maybe -just maybe - what I really need to do - is just trust myself.

I’ve gotten this far on my instincts and awareness, haven’t I? I’ve put considerable energy into becoming the best version of myself. I’ve made many mistakes and I’ve tried to only make them once. I’ve found myself with a great circle of friends, a successful career, and meaningful family relationships. So why do I not seem to trust that I will find someone to share my life with?

In most areas of life I try to live by the adage: “instead of waiting for things to happen – go out and happen to things!” So I put myself out there. I mean, I can’t curl up on the couch with my career!

Well, I am slooooooooowly learning that some things (like love) – no matter how hard you try – just aren’t going to come to you that easily or exactly when you want them to. It takes time. And apparently, it also takes a few toads along the way. I tend to think I’ve filled my quota on toads – but apparently I have not!

So next time I kiss another toad that turns out to be just a toad... instead of screaming to the high heavens I AM DONE! I'M OVER IT! - I am going to instead use the mantra: “TRUST yourself and TRUST the process.”

It will work out in the end. I mean, it has to, right?!

p.s. I will return to the humorous tales in the next post - I promise :)