I had never been attracted to redheads before. But contestant #3 on toadorprince.com somehow caught my eye. I’d say his coloring had a hint of strawberry blonde in it – but he was definitely a shade of ginger. Having learned the error of my ways, I picked a tall one, that worked in a similar field, and did not appear to have a lot of carry on baggage.
This was by far the best first “meet ‘n greet” I had been on since my membership began. Turns out we had a ton in common and the conversation flowed pretty easy…Hhmm, maybe I do like ginger snaps?!
One minute he seemed very clear about what he was looking for in life and in relationships. But just as I got comfortable and felt like we were connecting, he was telling me about how he took a year off from work recently to find himself and moved to LA on a whim. Really? Next I felt like he was going to tell me he was about to embark on a year-long journey through Thailand without a map. While mindful of the somewhat skeptic vibe I was picking up – I admit – I was intrigued.
At the end of the date he walked me to my car and set up our next date. Then BAM! He planted one on me. Full on ginger kiss! I couldn’t believe it. It was good - but somehow I was more concerned about what that meant. I mean this wasn’t hookup.com. Was a kiss on the first meeting appropriate?
If it feels like a red flag, acts like a red flag…
Date 2 was set up for Sunday – something casual like riding beach cruisers – but no definitive plan was made…so I assumed he would call to confirm and line it up.
Friday comes, Saturday comes, and… then Sunday. Hhmm. No call and we’re supposed to have a date today?! Ya. Not cool. I’m sure there is some chapter in some rule book somewhere that says I should have made other plans and assumed we were not getting together and even if he did call me, I would say sorry I didn’t hear from you and so I made other plans.
Maybe it was the redhead allure, I don’t know. I decided to continue to go after what I wanted by texting “are we still on for today?”. He writes back immediately and says of course, lets get together this evening, how about a movie, etc., etc. Perhaps this is where you would all press PAUSE and call out ‘hey, he doesn’t have his act together or doesn’t seem reliable – move on!’
You’re right, not only should I have been skeptical about the flakiness, I should have been skeptical about the movie invite. Movies really aren’t for getting to know each other at this early stage in the game. Sigh. I agreed to the date anyway.
After the movie, we had a drink and got into some more heartfelt conversation. Things were looking up. That is until he asked me “so are you really looking for something serious? I mean, I am not really sure I’m in the career I want to be in forever and am in no position to provide for a family anytime soon.” Jigga what?! What kind of question was that? What the hell am I supposed to say? I felt that if I answered “no” – that might make him feel more at ease, lessen the pressure, and guarantee a few more dates. But is that what I am going after? Wouldn’t I be doing a disservice to myself? I proceeded...“Well yeah, not saying that we’re off and running with a wedding tomorrow and kids on Tuesday, but I do want someone who is stable and in a position to build something worthwhile. I didn’t sign up for hookup.com. If all I wanted was that, I would have chosen that site instead.” He then proceeds to tell me that hookup.com was the website he met his last “girlfriend” on. Oh great, just my luck. Awesome.
If it sounds like a red flag…
The skeptic bell continued ringing on the ride home. Though our mutual attraction was a bit undeniable. When he parked the car, he went to kiss me again, and I admit - I liked it. Until he asked…“Don’t you want to invite me upstairs!?” Seriously? Upstairs? You're kidding. Nope. Actually I don’t, I told him. I proceeded to explain to him, that if I hadn’t made myself clear already, I am looking for more than just a hookup. Thanks for the offer ginger…but you’re not the cookie for me.
Next!
Lessons learned: 1) if it looks like a red flag, acts like a red flag, sounds like a red flag…well you get the idea; 2) don’t be afraid to know what you want, share it, and own it – even if the other person isn’t the one that can give it to you; and 3) if he makes it clear he's not looking for something serious, then tries to get into your lily pad right away, he's not your prince.
So when a guy goes for a kiss on the first date it's a red flag? Interesting. Maybe I've been doing it all wrong. In my experience, if there isn't enough spark/chemistry on a first date to warrant a goodnight kiss, there probably won't be a second date.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. Keep the posts coming.
Not necessarily. Nor do I claim to speak for all women. I just think you need to be pretty sure that you're both coming from the same place. If the guy doesn't come across as having his $hit together and its not clear that he's looking for a committed relationship - and then goes in for the kiss - it can make me doubt his intentions. You'll see in future posts though that I may be eating my words on that concept ;-)
ReplyDeleteIts not a standard cut and dry: kiss on first date = red flag. You just gotta be pretty confident you're coming from the same place. I also think that meeting via online dating almost makes your first "date" really a "meet n greet" first, and not full blown date. Having that chemistry/spark but not testing it til the second interaction -- won't necessarily hurt you as it could keep her interested. Just a thought.